Fr. Conor's Thoughts

Balancing Love with Justice - Mystical Reflections for Epiphany 2

2012-01-11T11:05:00.000-08:00

Growing up I heard a variety of stories about the Roman Catholic Church. My entire family is Roman Catholic, yet my parents never took me very much, and hardly attended themselves. As a result, most of my perceptions were from other's stories. I had an uncle who would tell me about attending parochial school, how he was taught by the nuns, and whenever they would get out of line one of the sisters would throw a piece of chalk at them. Laughing, he described how this nun could hit you between the eyes with a piece of chalk from across the room. Years later I had a co-worker who shared stories about being an altar boy. He and his friends would fight with each other over who would ring the bells when the priest was saying mass. These fights often took place during the service, and this priest had a technique of kneeling down reverently so he could kick them without being seen. He didn't kick them hard, but enough to get their attention so they would stop fighting. I heard so many of these stories that they formed my entire perception of the Church. As a child, teenager, and young adult, I believed that the Church was filled with scary, violent people. As I got older I was able to distinguish between the stories and my own experiences. The actual people I interacted with in the Church were very loving and pleasant. There was Sister Eileen who led me through baptism preparation and first communion classes. Fr. Durr was the priest who baptized me and heard my first confessions. Both of them were wonderful people and were always loving towards me. The more I've had actual personal interactions with Roman Catholic minsters, the more I like them, and the old stories lose their power.

Admittedly the stories I heard about violent discipline were probably accurate. And my own experiences of loving interactions are equally accurate. And of course each took place in different times. Perhaps there were some changes in the Church's culture between the 60's and the mid 80's. In these cultures, you can see pretty clearly two aspects of God - justice and love. The nuns who threw chalk and rapped knuckles with rulers were enforcing discipline, and trying to teach the students how to be self-controlled and how to behave. Today it feels like we've moved away from that mentality because of its excesses, and the Church is expressing more love than it has in the past.

But love without discipline has it drawbacks as well. Consider the person who hijacks a meeting, or berates others, or severely disrupts the community. I have seen plenty of this within my ministry. What's always interesting to watch is the community's response. Often I have seen people try to accommodate such a person. "Perhaps more dialogue is what we need. Maybe if we love them more they'll settle down. Often people act out when they feel like they're not being heard." I've watched this happen many times, and more often than not, extra doses of love have not solved the problem. Sometimes good-old fashioned discipline is required. There is nothing unloving about saying to another person, "What you're doing right now is not okay. Do not talk to me like this."

In mystical thought the qualities of love and justice are not seen as opposing factors, but two qualities that are designed to combine. If you look at any diagrams of the ten sefirot, Love (Hessed), combines with Discipline (Gevurah), to form Compassion (Tif'eret). Any parent instinctively knows this to be true. It's so easy to love a child - they are adorable, they're affectionate, and often they appreciate you. But children can also misbehave. They get into things they're not supposed to. They get frustrated and hit other people. They have trouble expressing themselves so they throw temper-tantrums. Any parent knows that to allow these behaviors to continue is a disservice to the child, since once they're out of the home others may not be so accommodating.

The lessons we hear this coming Sunday outline God applying discipline. In the lesson from 1 Samuel God gives a prophecy against the high priest Eli, and his household. "On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. Therefore I swear to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be expiated by sacrifice or offering forever (1 Samuel 3:12-14)." Notice the charge God brings against Eli. Eli's son's were blaspheming God, and Eli did not restrain them. Eli himself didn't do anything wrong, but he failed to exercise discipline along with his love. Eli's sons behaved in manors unfit for priests, caused scandals, and even extorted the people. Because Eli didn't exercise the necessary discipline, God intervened and exercised it for him. By that point it had gone much farther than it needed to, and the resulting discipline was necessarily much more severe.

In the Hebrew Book of Legends, there is a story about God creating humans. The mystics described it as if there was a beautiful, delicate crystal glass that God was going to pour water into. But if the water was too hot, the glass would shatter. On the other hand, if the water was too cold, the glass would equally shatter. So God mixed the two together, pouring warm water into the glass. It's the same with mixing love and discipline. Too much of one causes immediate damage. Too much of the other creates prolonged damage. But when you combine the two - love with discipline - they work together in perfect harmony, allowing you to live a beautiful, balanced life.

Heaven on Earth - The Baptism of Our Lord Jesus Christ

2012-01-04T19:21:00.000-08:00

This week we hear the story of Jesus' baptism. According to the text, some curious things happened which deserve our attention.
1 - The heavens opened up (Mark 1:10)
2 - The Spirit descended on Jesus in a form that looked like a dove (Mark 1:10)
3 - A voice from Heaven said to Jesus, "You are my Son, with you I am well pleased (Mark 1:11)"

What we see in this story is the coming together of Heaven and Earth - the Spiritual and the Material fuse as one. Classical Christianity has always, since the time of the Council of Nicea in 325 A.D., stated that Jesus Christ is fully God and fully human. In Him we see this perfect fusion of Spirit and Matter. Sometimes it may seem like that's easy for Him, since He is God incarnate, but what if that was the goal of spirituality for everyone - joining and integrating the spiritual and the material. Or even more challenging, what if the purpose of human beings is to be like Christ in this regard, integrating the material and spiritual.

In the Old Testament lesson for Sunday, we hear the first few verses from the Bible - the creation of the heavens and the earth. Ancient commentaries on these stories highlight the uniqueness of human beings when they are created. In the Sefer Ha-Aggadah, Legends from the Midrash and Talmud, Rabbi Simeon ben Halafta describes how up until the creation of humans, God had the heavens and the earth in perfect balance. On the first day Genesis mentions that God created the heavens and the earth - one and one. From that point on, God alternated between one and the other, right up until day six. On day 2, He created the sky. Day 3 brought fourth the dry land. On day 4 God created lights in the sky. And on day 5 all kinds of living things came about on the earth. So on day 6 God couldn't create one or the other without upsetting the balance - especially since the sabbath rest was coming on day 7. So in creating human beings, God created us out of both heaven and earth. In the story of the Garden of Eden, it states that God created the first human out of the dust (earth, the material world), and breathed into him the breath of life (heaven, the spiritual world) (Genesis 2:7) (Sefer Ha-Aggadah, pg 15, section 65).

In the same work, other rabbis commented that humans were created both like angels and animals (page 16, section 66). Angels are made in the image and likeness of God, but do not reproduce, while animals reproduce, but are not in the image and likeness of God. Humans are unique in that we have both qualities. We are in the image and likeness of God and we can reproduce.

Another rabbi remarked that if humans were created solely out of the upper, spiritual worlds, we would live and never die, but if we were created solely out of the lower, material worlds, we would die but never really live. Therefore humans were made out of both elements, such that we die because of sin, but also have life in the world to come.

Coming back to Jesus' baptism - when the voice from Heaven said to him, "You are my Son, with you I am well pleased," He was referring to the fact that in Jesus, the Spiritual and the Material were perfectly integrated, just as human beings were originally intended. The problem with Adam's original sin was that it dis-integrated the spiritual and material. As you can see in Genesis Chapter 3, Adam and Eve both perceived that they were naked, so they hid from God (Genesis 3:8), decreasing the spiritual, and tried to cover themselves with fig leaves (3:7), increasing the material. How often do we do the same thing in our lives? When we have a problem we're faced with, how easy is it to go straight for a material solution, when in many cases the root of the problem is spiritual. Some problems call us to reevaluate priorities, some call us to love others more, while others call us to improve our sense of justice and do something about it. In Jesus we see the Spiritual and the Material integrated and aligned, and there is light. Without this alignment, there is only darkness, and the world is wild and waste - confusing and chaotic (Genesis 1:2). However in both cases the Spirit of God is present - sometimes over the darkness of the chaotic waters, and sometimes floating in the form of a dove over the baptismal waters. By reflecting on the nature of God revealed through Jesus Christ you can get a better idea of how to integrate the spiritual and the material in your own life. Strive for both, for such is what you were created for. Do so and listen for God's voice saying that you are his beloved child, and in you He is well pleased.

A Mystical Christmas - Dignity for the Masses

2011-12-22T07:57:00.000-08:00

There are always two options for readings on Christmas - The Nativity Story from Luke, and the more esoteric poetry from John. Each tells the story from a different perspective, and both work together to help us understand the significance of Christ's birth.

The main message that both Jesus, and John the Baptist preached was that the Kingdom of God had come near. The Hebrew word translated as Kingdom is Malchut, which is also the name of the tenth sefirot in Kabbalah. The significance of Malchut is that it is the receptical of all the other aspects. Will, Wisdom, Understanding, Justice, Mercy, Compassion, Endurance, Splendor, and Foundation are all poured into Malchut. On it's very surface, Malchut is about sovereignty, kingship, or on a very basic level - dignity. The Gospel story is good news because it raises up ordinary people to the level of dignity that a king would have.

In the story from Luke angels appeared to shepherds who were tending to their sheep out in the fields. Take a moment and think about how bizarre this must have seemed. Why wouldn't the angels appear in the temple - to the priests who dedicated their lives to God's service? Why not appear to an esteemed rabbi? Certainly there were many in Israel during that time. The strangest part of this story is that a major revelation came to virtual nobodies. We don't even know the shepherds names, and yet these were the ones that God sent this special message to - why?

The Gospel story from John gives us the answer. John 1:12-13 states "But to all who received him, who believed in his name, he gave power to become children of God, who were born, not of blood or of the will of the flesh or of the will of man, but of God (NRSV)." In this passage scripture teaches that belief in Jesus Christ makes you a child of God. What could generate a greater sense of dignity? It's as if a prince left his palace dressed as a commoner. The prince was an only child and so he went amongst the people to find brothers and sisters for himself. As he grew to know people, he revealed who he truly was and described his mission. He then invited them to live in the palace with him and share the same rights that he had as royalty. Some thought he was lying, some thought he was insane, and some believed him. The ones that believed him received what he promised, and followed him back to the palace. From that point on they were accepted as the king's children, and lived lives fitting for royalty.

Today people spend millions of dollars on therapists, self-help books, motivational seminars, and the like. When it comes down to it, they're searching for Malchut, for a sense of dignity. It's often frustrating and liberating at the same time when they learn that the solution is a lot closer than they think. The power of your mental map, what you believe about yourself deep down makes all the difference in your sense of dignity

Christianity has always been a religion that turns paupers into princes. It doesn't do this through wealth, status, or other fragile, earthly things, but by instilling people with an incredible sense of dignity. This dignity is given by God through Jesus Christ, and cannot be taken away. Merry Christmas.

Mystical Reflections - Advent 4: Discipline with Love

2011-12-17T19:03:00.000-08:00

Advent 4
In a previous post I wrote about a Kabbalahistic look at Jesus being the Son of God and how his birth was a direct emanation from the Infinite. This week we read the story of when the angel Gabriel revealed to the Virgin Mary that she was to bear this Son of God. As you learn more about Kabbalah you'll see that there are illusions to it throughout the New Testament. This passage is no exception.

Gabriel is mentioned four times in the Bible. Twice in the Book of Daniel, Chapters 8 and 9, and twice in the Gospel of Luke, both in Chapter 1. Each time he is bringing a message from God, or helping someone interpret a vision. In every case, the message from God is both good and bad news - it contains both love and judgement.

Gabriel's name has the same root as the Sefirah Gevurah. Gevurah is the sefirah of judgement or discipline. In the Tree of Life it is portrayed as being opposite of Chesed or love. When they work together in harmony they create the next sefirah Tif'eret or Compassion. This is because love must always exist within discipline. And discipline must always be tempered with love. Imagine a parent who loves their child without any restraint. Such a parent would allow the child to do whatever he or she wanted - dangerous or not. The child might go a very long time without ever hearing the word 'no.' This child will have problems when he or she begins socializing with others since he or she is only one voice amongst many, and this will be the first time the people around him may not do what he wants the moment he wants it. The end result is curious, as the parent's over abundance of love without judgement results in the child having an over abundance of judgement without love. But when love is exercised with judgement or discipline it is a good thing, since it encourages one to consider the needs of others, and grow in a spirit of compassion.

At first glance you may not see this element of discipline in the passage but take a close look at what Gabriel promised to Mary. He will be great. He will have the throne of His ancestor David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever. Of his Kingdom there will be no end. To be in this position Jesus needs to exercise judgement. The illusions here are for an earthly king, and no king, no leader for that matter can exercise his or her office without making judgement calls - distinguishing right from wrong, deciding on one course of action over another course of action. This kind of judgement always needs to happen.

When one reflects on the Kabbalah it becomes obvious that this judgement can always exist perfectly balanced with love, or Chesed. When this happens, judgement is exercised for the good of others. Decisions are made in order to benefit everyone, not just the one making the decision. When judgements are made to benefit one's self, this is Gevurah out of balance, and tyranny is the result. But when judgements are made from a place of love, compassion is the result.

Just recently I was doing some stewardship research for my parish. We're located in Virginia Beach, where according to city-data the median household income level is $59,000 per year. When I look at my own budget, the cost of living, owning a home, etc. I really wonder how people can function at that level. As a result, It's very easy for me to drive through some pretty run down sections of town, housing projects, and ghettos in between my house and my Church. To contrast this statistic, at Bristol-Myers Squibb, where I used to work, the pay for the top executives ranges from $172,000 to over $5 million. Obviously people are making decisions here - they are executing judgement calls. But what would happen if they executed those judgements balanced with love. What if each of the executives took a lower salary and used the funds to create more jobs? What if the jobs were structured in such a way that each person working them was immensely satisfied and motivated by the job they were doing? What would it look like if this happened on a global scale?

I preached a sermon along these lines once and was accused afterwards of being a socialist. Of course I am anything but a socialist. I believe that socialism is just another example of Gevurah being out of balance. It can never come from a place of love because at it's very core is a philosophy of, "If people aren't going to benefit their fellow person we're going to damn well make them!" While I agree with the intention of correcting imbalances in society I believe the only way it can happen is by changing hearts and minds. Only true spirituality can bring love and judgement into balance, and the end result will achieve what socialism always intended to, but can never deliver.

This is just one example of what can happen when you balance love with judgement. Applying this concept to other aspects of your life and yield some stunning results. In the Kabbalah we examine and study the sefirot because they allow us to see and observe God's qualities. Since we are created in the image of God we have these same qualities. But because of the fall they've become distorted and out of balance. Through faith in Jesus Christ, through prayers and meditation and time in God's Word, we're able to see these qualities for what they were always intended to be, and bring our own lives back into balance.

For more on balancing your life with the Sefirot see Rabbi Jacobson's A Spiritual Guide to Counting the Omer or Towards a Meaningful Life.

Mystical Reflections - Advent 3: Light, The Son of God, and Cheating Death

2011-12-06T06:55:00.001-08:00

I initially thought this would be part two of Advent 2, but looking at the Gospel for Advent 3 I find that they're very similar. One tells the story from the point of view of Mark, the other from John.

The story from John begins by talking about John the Baptist, being a witness to the light - he himself wasn't the light, but he witnessed to it (John 1:6). If we back up a few verses, we read that the light is life (1:4) and that it shines in the darkness, but the darkness did not recognize it (1:5).

In the Kabbalah, light was often used as a metaphor for God's very essence. We also learn that God created the Heavens and the Earth through a process of concealment, or in Hebrew, Tzimzum. According to Rabbi Isaac Luria, the infinite, all powerful God withdrew himself in order to create a space where finite creation can exist - otherwise creation would be overwhelmed by the intensity of God's existence. The light would have been too intense, so to speak. Then, God proceeded in acts of creation by emanating God's very nature into the space, yet concealing it at the same time. Rabbi Jacobson at The Meaningful Life Center describes this phenomenon as something similar to a transformer on your power lines. The electricity out doors, straight from the power plant has a voltage much too intense for common household appliances. A transformer is then installed in order to bring the voltage down to something that your toaster-oven can handle. As God's energy goes through this process of concealment, it creates the Four Spiritual Worlds, ending in ours. As a result, God is both intensely immanent and transcendent in creation. It then becomes our job to pierce through this concealment, observing the spiritual in every aspect of our lives, and integrating it accordingly.

The issue with human beings is that we've lost this connection to the light. It shines in the darkness, but we don't recognize it. When Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden of Eden they no longer could pierce through the concealment - they were cut off from the Divine. This is symbolized in the story by the Cherub guarding the entrance to Eden with an ever turning flaming sword (Genesis 3:24). Sadly today there are many humans who either are completely unaware, or choose to ignore their divine origin and source.

So what would this mean for Jesus Christ, the Son of God? Classic Christian Theology describes God as a Trinity - One God existing in Three Persons. In essence, within the unity of God there is also diversity and community. Theologians throughout the centuries have described Jesus as the second person of the Trinity: God the Son, becoming incarnate as a human being, born of a young virgin named Mary. From the Kabbalah we can get another picture - not one that contradicts, replaces, or supersedes the classic definition, but examines this phenomenon from a different angle.

Thinking in terms of God as light, the infinite, or ein sof - of creating through emanations and concealment, Jesus Christ is this tzimtzum in a very special way. How could God intervene and redeem His creation without obliterating it by the intensity of the experience? The answer is an addition emanation and concealment. This act of creation, taking place outside the normal human experience of sexual procreation, resulted in a human being, a man fully cognizant and aware of his divine source. The totality of God existed within him, yet was concealed so as not to damage, coerce, or otherwise harm the creation God sought to interact with and influence. This is not an Arian Heresy in that Jesus Christ was not created as a being separate from God, justifying that there was a time when the Son was not. Instead, God was fully present in the person of Jesus Christ, but became manifest in this very special way. There little to no distinction between Jesus and the Father, as he described, "I and the Father are one (John 10:30)." Or as theology has described Jesus since the fourth century, He is both fully God and fully human. Kabbalistically He's a complete human being, completely filled with the light of the infinite God, and constantly emanating and sharing that light through His ministry.

One final reflection on the end of death: In both Christian and Kabbalah thought death is believed to be conquered. I always had to ask why is this important? If you think from the point of view of creation receiving light from the creator, and then passing it along and sharing it, things come into focus. What is death then but an end to this process? Death is that point where we no longer receive from God, and cease being what we are. If however that connection is restored, and God is again breathing into us, if the connection is restored in such a way that we're fully aware of God's presence and His ways, if we can give no restrictions in receiving from our Father and sharing that grace with others, then there is absolutely no place for death - since death would be the opposite of this process. Jesus' resurrection is a perfect example. He was always one with the Father, always receiving, thus death had no power over him.

Mystical Reflections - Advent 2: Water in the Wilderness

2011-11-29T11:38:00.001-08:00

This week the Gospel passage moves to John the Baptist preaching in the wilderness. John was sent as a messenger, as one who would prepare the people for the coming Messiah. From a mystical point of view, I'd like to focus on this preparation happening in the wilderness, and move from there onto why the distinction between baptism with water and baptism with the Holy Spirit.

But first off the wilderness: We actually have two separate descriptions in our texts, depending on where you put the punctuation. In Isaiah 40 we read one crying out, "In the wilderness prepare the way of the Lord." Whereas in Mark 1, referencing this passage it tells of one crying out in the wilderness, "Prepare the way of the Lord ..." In either case the result is the same, John the Baptist was out in the wilderness preaching about repentance and forgiveness of sins.

The wilderness was often the place where intense revelations took place. God revealed the Torah to the Jewish nation at Mount Sinai, in the Wilderness (Exodus 20). After Israel refused to conquer the promised land, they were forced to spend forty years in the wilderness until the present generation died out, and a new generation rose up (Numbers 14). The prophet Elijah fled to the wilderness after his duel with the prophets of Ba'al (1 Kings 19). Perhaps one of the reasons why the wilderness is so special is because of its nature. Only in the wilderness, out in nature do we see a perfect balance of receiving and giving. Here the physical reveals the spiritual.

A line of thought in Kabbalah, developed first by Rabbi Isaac Luria and refined by Rabbi Yehuda Ashlag (The Ba'al HaSulam) posits that God is the ultimate giver, it's what he does. God created us in order to receive what God has to offer. God's nature is to give, ours is to receive. However, human beings, because we are created in the image of God, desire to give as well. In comes a struggle, since we cannot give to God since God is perfect, needs nothing, and has no desire to receive. As we progress through this struggle, the only solution is to receive for the intent purpose of pleasing our Creator, since He only wants to give. In effect, we receive with the intention of giving (Laitman, pp 49 - 55). The Wilderness, by its very nature, exemplifies this way of receiving. The Wilderness left alone will form a stable ecosystem that receives from the Creator. Our Gospel story takes place in the Wilderness because a very special revelation is taking place here.

Water: John was baptizing with water, claiming that one more powerful than he would come and baptize with the Holy Spirit. One curious Biblical fact about water is that according to the creation story in Genesis 1, God never actually created water. Water existed at the beginning, and at first was completely chaotic. God brought order out of chaos, and created all that we experience by separating water from water. Water is clearly a very powerful substance. When controlled it can quench our thirsts, clean our bodies, cool us when we're hot, even warm us up when its cold when we take a hot shower. But chaotically water can be destructive - floods, tidal surges, rip tides, being lost in the ocean, etc. Again in the wilderness, there tends to be a decent balance - enough water for plants to grow and animals to live, yet not so much as to flood and drown things.

John was in the Wilderness baptizing people. Again referring to creation, this time in Genesis 2 we read about how the first human being was created from the dust of the earth. Even his name in Hebrew, ADAM, sounds like the earth he was created from, ADAMAH. So what happens to dirt when it gets wet? If there's nowhere for the water to go it turns to mud, however if there are plants and seeds in the dirt they sprout and grow and are a source of life. Spiritually you can think of yourself as dirt, and God's Spirit and Grace as water.

The message of this passage is that you can receive the gifts and blessings of God to the extent that you are able to pass them on and share them with others. The Wilderness is the place where God's major revelations and gifts took place. When the people received these benefits, not only did their lives improve, but they were equipped to share this gift with others. When the first promise was made to Abraham, he was told that through him all nations would be blessed (Genesis 22). When John the Baptist said that one more powerful than he was coming - a person who would baptize with the Holy Spirit, he was creating a spiritual connection to what was happening right then and there. What might our world look like if we transitioned from receiving for the sake of ourselves alone, to receiving with the intention of sharing.

Mystical Reflections - Advent 1

2011-11-23T09:31:00.000-08:00

The Season of Advent has a variety of meanings. Because of where it falls in the year, its easy to associate with preparing for Christmas. As the season progresses the readings reflect this theme. But the beginning of Advent always deals with Christ's second coming. When this topic comes up I can't help but think about rapture, pre-millennial dispensationalism, post-millennialism, a-millenialism, and all sorts of understandings. All of these concepts are designed by human beings, trying to make sense of very cryptic passages in Scripture, like the one we have for Advent 1 this year. "Then they will see `the Son of Man coming in clouds' with great power and glory. Then he will send out the angels, and gather his elect from the four winds, from the ends of the earth to the ends of heaven (Mark 13:26-27 NRSV)."

When I was a teenager many of my friends would speculate on the rapture, believing that at some point Jesus would return, and that all of the Christians would be snatched up to be with him in Heaven, while everyone else would be left behind. At the time I imagined people standing there with there eyes closed and ecstatic looks on their faces as they floated up into the sky. A lot more goes into this theology but that's beside the point.

A few years ago I read Beam Me Up, Jesus: A Heathen's Guide to the Rapture by Jim Gerard. While mostly satire, he did point out that the idea of a rapture comes from the Apostle Paul in 1 Thessalonians 4:13, where he speaks of believers being caught up in the air to be with The Lord and remain with him forever. What this Gospel passage in Mark does describe however is The Son of Man gathering his elect from the farthest reaches of heaven and earth. Viewing these two passages together, we can be convinced that something is going to happen - something. But the details of this something vary depending on who's describing it. (Gerard also mentions that Revelation, the most apocalyptic book in the Bible, never mentions anything remotely resembling a rapture.)

From the point of view of Kabbalah, we can get a different picture. The main difference is that in the millennial/rapture theology a person is removed from our world and placed in Heaven, while from the point of view of Kabbalah a person continues to be in our world, but also has complete access to the upper worlds. Rather than being one or the other, spirituality is integrated into the material.

In an earlier post I wrote about the Four Worlds of Atzilut, Beriah, Yetzira, and Assiah. Assiah being our world, and Yetzira, Beriah, and Atzilut being the upper worlds, or heavens. The Apostle Paul spoke of a Third Heaven in 2 Corinthians 12:2. I can only surmise that this refers to Atzilut, or the world of emanation, or God's initial vision for world. When St. Paul spoke of us being caught up in the air and the clouds, and Jesus spoke of the Son of Man gathering the elect from the ends of earth and the heavens, could this mean that at Christ's second coming people will have access to these upper worlds? Instead of us being snatched out of one world, does this refer to a massive spiritual awakening whereby people continue to live in this world but understand completely God's will and plan and are able to submit to it?

Of course we need to examine this concept from the other angle, the Son of Man coming in clouds with power and great glory (Mark 13:26). First off the Son of Man has been referenced by three different people in Scripture. Daniel spoke of one like a Son of Man (Bar-Enosh) in his apocalyptic vision. In Ezekiel's prophecies, he was constantly referred to as the Son of Man (Ben-Adam). And of course, Jesus spoke of the Son of Man, seemingly in reference to himself. As one aside, at the stoning of Stephen he said that he saw Heaven ripped open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God (Acts 7:56). For me this concept of the Son of Man draws me to Adam Kadmon, or God's original vision for humanity. Obviously this concept exists in the Upper Worlds, and Jesus is the perfect manifestation of Adam Kadmon in our world.

On the literal level of our text, it says that the Son of Man is coming in clouds. Since clouds are in the sky, and from an ancient Hebrew viewpoint, there was little to no distinction between the sky and Heaven, this text is indicating that Jesus, as the Son of Man, is breaking back into our world from the upper worlds. People will see humanity as God originally envisioned, and there will be a wedding together of upper and lower worlds.

But not everything is positive at this point. Jesus tells us to be ready, because we don't know when this is going to happen. He doesn't even know. And for some, this will be a very unpleasant experience. Again from Rabbi Jacobson's work at The Meaningful Life Center, he describes spiritual energy in terms of electricity. Electricity can be very good and useful in its proper place. When the voltage is correct and its connected to a device that can handle that voltage electricity can run a refridgerator, television, lights, etc. But suppose you connected your toaster directly to the lines outside at their full voltage - your toaster would explode! When Jesus admonishes us to be ready, it could mean that we have to be prepared for the intensity of the experience. It will be unlike anything you've experienced before

This concept of the end of time, I believe is more consistent throughout scripture. The Book of Revelation ends with an image of a New Heaven and a New Earth, and Jerusalem being prepared as a bride for her groom. Even here we see a marriage of the spiritual and the material. But this isn't something you have to wait for. By following Jesus' teachings and trying to live a Godly life you create connections to the upper worlds here and now. The sacraments of the Church are designed bridge the gap between our world and the upper worlds. The view of the end of times shows us where we're headed - the ultimate goal. But that doesn't mean that we have to sit back and wait for it to happen, we can connect to those experiences now. As Jesus said, be prepared.

Mystical Reflections - Adam Kadmon and The Ten Sephirot

2011-11-23T08:43:00.001-08:00

Along the concept of the Four Worlds is the concept of Adam Kadmon, or the primeval man. This was God's vision for creating human beings - that they would look like this. This isn't a person that you can go out and meet somewhere, rather its an idea born out of God's infinite wisdom. The way to describe such a person, or an idea of this person comes with another device - the Ten Sefirot.

The Sefirot is a complicated concept. At a first glance they can appear polytheistic or pagan, but this comes from misunderstanding their nature. I like to think of them as lenses with which you can see divine qualities. When I was a boy I used to get toys with secret messages on the packaging. When I opened the package there was a decoder, basically a red piece of film with a cardboard border. Without the decoder the message just looked like a random collection of colors, but when I put this decoder over the top it filtered out everything except for one color, and then I could read the message.

The sefirot function the same way, filtering out other information so you can contemplate one of God's divine characteristics. There are ten of them, and they are as follows: Keter (Will), Hochmah (Wisdom), Binah (Understanding), Chesed (Love), Gevurah (Righteousness), Tiferet (Compassion), Netzah (Endurance), Hod (Splendor), Yesod (Foundation), and Malchut (Kingdom or Dignity). Poetically they have been described as body parts - Chesed being the Right Arm, Gevurah being the left, Netzah and Hod being the legs, etc. A more detailed description can be found at Wikipedia: Sefirot or from YashaNet: The Tree of Life and Four Worlds.

When the Bible says that God made man in his own image, it is these Divine Qualities that makes up that image. Human beings also have will, wisdom, understanding, love, righteousness, dignity, etc. Although in our fallen world they are mere shadows of what God intended. As part of your spiritual work, try reflecting on these Divine Qualities and see how your life can better reflect them. A wonderful guide to do this is A Spiritual Guide to Counting the Omer by Rabbi Jacobson. It's designed to take place in between the Jewish holidays of Passover and Shauvot, but can equally be used by Christians in between Easter and Pentecost.

Mystical Reflections - The Four Worlds

2011-11-23T08:04:00.000-08:00

The Four Worlds:

The four worlds is a mystical concept that describes what happens in-between God and us. They are never named outright, but the closest image we have for them in the Bible comes from Isaiah 43:7 "Everyone who is called by my name, and whom I have created for my glory, Whom I have formed, even whom I have made (NASB)." An important question to ask is, why all the repetitions? Why does God talk about being called, created, formed, and made? Isn't it enough just to say that God created us in God's image and let that be that?

The reality in Scripture is that everything is there for a reason. Sometimes we need to dig very deeply to get to that reason. Mystics interpret this verse from Isaiah as a way of understanding four separate worlds - a world of Emanation (I called you), a world of Creation, a world of Formation, and a world of Making or Action. The Hebrew for these worlds is: Atzilut, Beriah, Yetzirah, and Asiyyah. As one ascends the four worlds, you find that each higher world is closer to God's will and design, yet less actualized. It's only at the lowest level, Assiah that creation as we normally think of it exists. For a more detailed discussion, I refer you to Yashanet studies: The Tree of Life and The Four Worlds.

Rabbi Jacobson of the Meaningful Life Center describes the four worlds like any created project. In any project, you have your initial vision (Atzilut). From there you create an outline of what needs to be done (Beriah). Next you flush out the outline with details (Yetzirah). Finally you execute your total plan (Assiah). Anyone who's tried to build something knows that you need checks and balances along the way, because when you get to the actual execution, you need so much help from others that they may not understand the reason for all of the details. In my own ministry, I'm dealing with a building that has a special flame-retardant roofing material. This material requires special expensive screws otherwise it will leak. However when it was initially installed, the contractor didn't understand this and used ordinary screws. The end result is a leaky roof. A big part of the spiritual life is returning to God's intentions and plans, and making necessary adjustments in our own life. Doing so brings harmony between the upper and lower worlds.

In the New Testament we have a few passages that reference these worlds, while at the same time not describing them outright. 2 Corinthians 12:2-4 "I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago ... was caught up to the third heaven. And I know how such a man ... was caught up into Paradise and heard inexpressible words, which man is not permitted to speak (NASB)." If Assiah is our world, the Third Heaven must be all the way at Atzilut. When St. Paul says that this man heard inexpressible words that no one is permitted to speak, this is a common devise among kabblahists. It doesn't mean that this man is keeping a major secret, it does mean that he experienced things that are so far beyond our common experience that to describe them to someone who wasn't there would be simply impossible.

Another New Testament passage is the rather cryptic phrase from Jesus, "Whatever you bind on Earth is bound in Heaven, and whatever you loose on Earth is loosed in Heaven (Matthew 16:19 and 18:18, paraphrase mine)." This goes back to a concept I mentioned earlier, that what you do on earth has an effect on the upper worlds. This doesn't mean that you can somehow manipulate God or the divine. That would be impossible at best and witchcraft at worst. What it does mean is that your actions on earth can either build harmony with the upper worlds and what exists there or can remain out of sync and disruptive. You can either facilitate this process, and work to join the spiritual with the material, or ignore it.

This concept of The Four Worlds is a very interesting lens with which you can read scripture. It has some pretty profound implications that I will reflect in future posts.

Mystical Reflections - Levels of Interpretation

2011-11-17T11:26:00.000-08:00

I've been interested in Kabbalah, the mystical side of Judaism ever since I first heard of it as a teenager. I can admit that it never made much sense to me until just recently, when I met Rabbi Simon Jacobson, Dean of the Meaningful Life Center www.meaningfullife.com. Since then I've seen the mystical teachings not as a separate discipline, but an integral way of understanding the word of God. But probably the most amazing, I've found that there of aspects of these teachings even in the New Testament, and have helped me understand some of the more obscure parts of Jesus' teaching. Throughout the next year, I plan to reflect each week on the Gospel passage from this point of view, and perhaps gain a greater glimpse of the Kingdom Jesus spoke of. This first post will, I hope, present some critical background material.

Levels of Interpretation:
When I was younger I used to struggle with a passage and ask myself, what does this mean - as if there is a single interpretation of each scriptural passage. According to Jewish tradition there are at least four levels with which a person can interpret the passage. There's the simple, the references, the homeletical, and the secret. In Hebrew these four levels make up an acrostic PRDS, or Pardes - paradise or the orchard. The simple level is exactly what you see. For example, God created Adam from the dust of the earth (Genesis 2).

References will look at how this passage relates to, or is referred to other places in scripture. One might look at the Psalms, Chronicles, or even in the New Testament, the Book of Hebrews. One could also look within the same book. For example, if Adam and Eve had three sons: Cain, Abel, and Seth, who did they marry? Later passages in Genesis (Chapter 4) suggest the presence of other people beyond this family.

The homeletical interpretations deal with Jewish Midrash, which will often ask questions of the text nd try to fill in the blanks. Why is this word used and not another. For example, Numbers 3 mention that two of Aaron's sons died when they offered strange fire before the Lord, and it also mentions that they died without having any children. Why is this important? I once heard a rabbi remark that ignoring one commandment, in this case being fruitful and multiplying, led to them ignoring other commandments, eventually leading to their downfall.

The final level of interpretation deals with the mystical, or the secret teachings of the Bible. I really don't find them to be secretive, but concealed within the text. When you discover them you'll never look at scripture the same way. The mystical interpretations deal with concepts like the Four Worlds and Ten Sefirot, which are aspects of creation and lenses with which to understand God's actions. It is on this level that I plan to reflect on the Gospels, and will deal with the details in a future post.

3D Theology

2011-11-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

I’m always amazed at how God uses aspects of my past to enrich my ministry now. Many disappointments have turned out to be learning experiences that have prepared me for what I’m doing today. But to go any deeper, I have to first make a confession – I was a teenage metal-head. By the age of fourteen I had grown my hair down to my chin, wore black to school every day, and spent most of my free time in my bedroom practicing Metallica songs on my guitar. I had a dream that I would become a guitar virtuoso, record albums, and spend my life performing around the world. Obviously that dream never happened. At some point I hit a plateau, and couldn’t quite play the way I wanted to.

Every so often I pick up my guitar and play some of those old tunes, still wishing I could play them as fast and as smooth as I wanted to. A few months ago I was surfing the internet and came across a program that promised to speed up your progress. The author, Tom Hess, developed a “Geometric Approach” to learning guitar. Basically that means that in order to make progress, you need three things: a technique, the ability to apply that technique in a musical situation, and integrating that technique into your other techniques. Rather than trying to practice one thing after another, Hess developed exercises that addressed all three of these aspects at the same time. For example, I could take the time to learn a basic arpeggio and play it extremely fast, but I also had to learn which chords I could play it over and transition seamlessly into another technique – like a scale run.

As I went to bed that night it struck me that someone could take a similar, geometric approach to theology. To really grow spiritually, or even to speed up your spiritual growth, it’s necessary to have a theological concept, a way of applying that concept to everyday life, and a way of integrating that concept into other concepts and life experiences. Let’s take something out of the Nicene Creed, that Jesus Christ came down from Heaven, and became a human. In the fourth century the theologians who worked on this creed made another statement, that Jesus Christ is both fully God and fully human. That’s wonderful on a purely intellectual level, but the work of every generation is to apply it and integrate it into their own lives. If I believe that Jesus Christ is fully God and fully human, it redefines for me what being a human means. If I make a mistake, rather than saying “well I’m only human,” I’ll take responsibility for my mistake and ask God to guide me towards better choices. I know that I have missed the mark, and I’m a long way off from where Jesus was spiritually, and I know that I’m forgiven for falling short (integration), but that doesn’t mean that I stop where I am. Instead I can pray for guidance and growth, (application) asking God to make me a little more like His Son, the one who is fully human.

As you can see, these three aspects: concepts, applications, and integration don’t follow a linear path. Instead they’re more like building blocks used in construction. Rather than a direct, start to finish process, they create a three dimensional image, one that’s much more exciting, richer, and personal than before. As your taking your time in your own spiritual practices: Bible reading, prayer, Forward Day by Day, etc. – keep this approach in mind. How could you take a concept you’re learning, and both apply to your life and integrate it with other aspects.

Sermon for St Teresa of Avila

2009-10-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

Sermon for St. Teresa of Avila
The Rev. Conor M Alexander
Christ and St. Luke’s Episcopal Church
Matthew 5:13-16
October 15, 2009

I’m always amazed at how much history repeats itself. I feel like the times we are living in today are wrought with a lot of the same problems that existed during the last reformation in the 15th and 16th centuries. When I see Churches filing lawsuits against one another, I wonder if we value our power and authority more than we value charity and love. When I attempt to pray the Daily Office, I realize how far we’ve strayed from Archbishop Cranmer’s original vision of simply reading through the Bible once per year. And when I hear senior clerics preaching that it doesn’t matter what you believe, so long as you’re working for justice, I really have to wonder what happened to the faith that has made such a difference in my life.

St. Teresa faced a lot of these same issues in her time. When she first entered the convent at age 20, she realized how lax the monastic life had become. Where monks and nuns were meant to live lives of great discipline, being witnesses to the world, they had degenerated into worldly comforts, and were indistinguishable to the rest of the world. Teresa received permission and founded the reformed Carmelite Order, one that restored the disciples and refocused on the classic monastic virtues of poverty, chastity, and obedience. What a gift to the church and the world. Every time I meet a nun or a monk I’m struck at the peaceful way in which they live – and at the same time they betray no suffering because of them. Through their poverty they show us that material possessions are not what make us whole – and they don’t suffer. Through their chastity they show us that physical pleasures are not the be all and end all of existence – and they don’t suffer. Through their obedience, they show us that we don’t have to be masters of our lives, but true peace comes from submission to God – and still they don’t suffer. Oh how I wish we could live our lives a tenth of the way they do.

Jesus said that we are the salt of the earth. Whenever I salt my food I’m struck with how different it tastes. The natural flavors come out more and I tend to enjoy it more. In the same way monastics and saints like Teresa and Antony before her brought out the natural flavors of life. Their lives were full of joy and peace and compassion because they were willing to abandon the things of this world, and rely totally on God. In the same vein, all Christians rise to a life full of peace and joy and compassion by forsaking the fleeting things of this world and embracing values of faith, hope, and charity. This is how we are the salt of the world. But there is a warning here as well. If we lose our saltiness we are no longer good for anything – we are thrown out and trampled underfoot. We do a grave injustice to God when the world looks at us, and instead of seeing love, sees hatred and meanness and power grabbing. So friends, forsake these things and cling to what is good. Let St Teresa be your physician and learn from her example. Take up spiritual disciplines and live lives worthy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. While the monastics give their witness through poverty, chastity and obedience, give yours through faith, hope, and charity. Amen.

In Persona Chriti

2009-05-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

I'm always delighted to come across another theological concept that I haven't considered. Lately it's the doctrine of "In Persona Christi" or "In the Person of Christ." In it's most basic sense, when a Catholic Priest celebrates the sacraments, he is not celebrating as himself, but in the person of Christ - that is, Christ is speaking through the priest during the Sacraments.

In his sermon for the Holy Chrism Mass in 2007, Pope Benedict XVI expanded this concept and used it to describe the ministry of all the Baptized. For it is through our baptism that we exchange our old selves and put on Christ. This time the Holy Father uses the metaphor of clothing to describe the change that's affected when we become a member of God's family - the sacred exchange. God gave up all of God's glory to become human, so that we, in our humanity may obtain that glory through grace. How much more of an insult is it when we fail to put on that glory - God effectively gave everything up for us, and we refuse to take it upon ourselves. Everything we do, every act of ministry we perform should not be done as ourselves, but In Persona Christi. Put on Christ and allow Christ to work through us.

I've heard of this sacred exchange many times before from my evangelical friends - always in the context of Good Friday. On the cross Jesus exchanged all of his righteousness for our lack thereof, suffering and dying for our sins. This Easter I've come to understand that the exchange began much sooner than the cross, it began the minute Christ was conceived within the blessed womb of Mary. At that moment God had emptied himself in order to make all his glory available to God's Children. All through his life, up to and including his death and resurrection, Jesus was experiencing humanity as the Empty God. I suppose the challenge was to remain humble and empty throughout his entire life - otherwise he would have been taking back the gift that was to be freely bestowed upon others. That's why the temptation in the wilderness was so pivotal. Had the Devil succeeded in his temptation, Christ would have taken his "clothing" back upon himself, and it would have been unavailable to us. Hence His entire life was an emptying - consider how lowly He stooped in the upper room when He washed His disciple's feet.

So what then happened at Easter, what happened at the Resurrection? I believe having experienced everything that human beings do - birth, life, and death, Jesus now reaped the reward of his perseverance and emptying. He received back His clothing, and the glory He emptied himself of, not as the Son of God, but as the Son of Man. He actually referred to himself as the Son of Man more often than any other title. The resurrection He experienced was the gift bestowed upon all humanity - the gift of God's "clothes" and glory - given up at the Annunciation, and restored on Easter Sunday.

During this Eastertide, it would do us well to take up this gift so freely bestowed upon us. Everything we do should be done while wearing the clothes that Christ emptied Himself of so long ago. Every act of ministry can only be done in the person of Christ. Far from making us proud, for such a great honor that has been bestowed upon us, this should make us humble, knowing what it cost. Let us offer our great thanksgiving to God for the work He has done through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Developing Flow and Christianity

2009-02-05T06:55:00.001-08:00

This post sparked a nice discussion on the RMAX forum. I wanted to share it here.

Developing Flow and Christianity

I'm always intrigued with Eastern traditions like Shaolin that integrate their physical and martial arts practices with their religion. It makes me a little envious since I'm not aware of a similar tradition within Christianity. If there is I'd really be interested in hearing about it.

In Medieval times people participated in bodily mortifications, but they were more intended to damage the body in order to bring it's passions under control. What I'm working on now is a way of developing a healthy body in a way that consistent with the Gospel message.

The biggest impact recently on this endevor came when I read N.T. Wright's "Surprised By Hope." Wright, a Bishop in the Church of England, challenges us to rethink the point of Christianity. He maintains that it's not, "Going to Heaven when you die," but rather that at the second coming all people will be resurrected from the dead and receive new bodies. This hope is made clear at Easter, when we celebrate Jesus' resurrection from the dead and all that it entailed. Wright described the process as all of the matter consisting of his old body was used up in creating his new body. This new body was in many ways similar but also profoundly different. The disciples on the road to Emmaus didn't recognize him until he broke the bread. Mary Magdelene thought he was the gardner until he called her name. At the same time he wasn't completely different. He still had the scars in his hands and wrists and he invited Thomas to touch them. He even ate food in the presense of his disciples.

The resurrection also provided him with some new abilities. For one he could enter into locked rooms without disturbing the door or windows. And at the end of Luke's gospel, his body "ascends" into heaven - though not in the sense of him raising up in the air. Instead Jesus, bodily, passes between this world and the world where God abides. To this day we wait until the time when those two worlds are joined like a husband and wife.

All of this leads us to believe that the point isn't to enter heaven as some disembodied ghost, but to enter it bodily - with our new bodies given at the final resurrection and exist with God as full, breathing, living human beings. When people misunderstand this they slip into a type of dualism where matter is considered bad and spirit is considered good. (I'm grossly overstating this but you get the point.)

So what does this have to do with flow, physical disciplines, and martial arts? Through baptism, Christians are said to be united to Christ in both his death and resurrection. Mystically we have died and are given our new bodies in resurrection. Therefore the whole point of the Christian life is to live, as much as possible, in this world as if we're living in the next world. We always pray, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Whereas once our bodies were corruptible, now they are incorruptible. Whereas before we engaged in sexual immorality, envy, murder, strife, craftiness, gossip, greed, etc. we can now live in ways that are generous, loving, and hospitable. It's not the difference between spirit and matter that makes this possible, but the difference between the old body and the new body.

So why train in CST? I find that when I'm in my flow, it's so much easier to be generous, loving, kind, and hospitable. I have so much more energy to do the good works God has set out for me to do. In short, a body that's in flow looks so much more like the resurrected body than it does to the old body, the one damaged and tramautized by sin, death, and corruption. CST, and unbinding my flow has become a way of reclaiming the body that God has always intended.

Peace,
Conor+

__________________
Conor Alexander

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." Romans 12:1 NIV

"Flow = Kindness, Generosity, Hospitality" Scott Sonnon

Mediators in Moses and Priests

2008-10-10T09:32:00.000-07:00

I've always thought that a community's greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. I absolutley love the fact that Eucharist is our central form of worship on Sundays. There's something very mystical and transcendent in the liturgy, and we all know that Christ is present. At the same time Eucharist requires a mediator - a priest is set aside and is the only one authorized to celebrate. If we're not careful though we can fall into a trap that you need a priest for any type of ministry. This is simply not the case because there are a great number of ministries and liturgies that can be performed entirely by anybody - praying the daily office, fellowship with other Christians, visiting a sick person in the hospital or who is homebound, leading a Bible Study, etc.

It reminds me of the postion the people of Israel found themselves in when they fashioned the golden calf. At first God spoke to the people directly, and gave them the 10 Commandments. But the people became afraid, and insisted that Moses go up the mountain, and hear everything God had to say, and then come back for them. Moses then became the mediator, and there was a degree of separation between the people and God. The problem was that he was gone for over a month, and everyone became restless. "As for that fellow Moses, we don't know what happened to him!" Wihtout their mediator the people were lost. They didn't know what to do or how to be, so they did the very thing they shouldn't have done, and made themselves and idol.

Imagine what it would have been like if they had faced their fear. Imagine if they insisted on hearing God's voice directly, and experiencing everything Moses did during those 40 days. This in no way would have diminished the experiences they already had with Moses. He still was the one at the burning bush, and he still was the leader of the organization, but it would have been a much more stable organization, because they still could have functioned without him.

In the same vein, imagine what it would be like if everyone in our Church assumed responsibility for their spirituality. Seven whole days, not one in seven, we could continue in the Apostles' teaching and fellowship, and in the prayers through a spiritual discipline like the Daily Office. We would still need our clergy to celebrate on Sunday mornings, but that would only be a small part of the total work of God's people - at the same time an invaluable part. The rest of it would happen regardless of whether a priest was present or not. Amen.

A Sermon on the Landmark Distinction of Rackets

2008-10-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

Sermon for Proper 19 – Year A
Matthew 18:21-35
The Rev. Conor M Alexander
Christ and St. Luke’s Episcopal Church
Norfolk, VA 23507
9-14-2008

When I was a small boy I picked up the Lord of the Rings books for the first time. As I started reading them, I became engrossed in this world of orcs and wizards and magic rings … but at the same time I felt really out of place. I was reading the first book but I felt like I had missed something – as if there was a whole lot of back story that I had totally missed. I went back to my copy of the Hobbit and skimmed through the chapters – it was entertaining but nothing there about an ancient war that’s resurfacing. There was nothing there that gave me the background relationship between Gandolf, and Sauron and Sauromon. And yet for the characters in the book, they discussed these people as a matter of course. These relationships made perfect sense to them and they proceeded with their mission. For them it was completely natural, for me it was utterly alien.

I often feel the same way when Jesus talks about the Kingdom of Heaven. Things happen in his parables that are completely foreign to our way of thinking, and yet Jesus talks about them as if they were the most natural things in the world – for Him I suppose they were natural; he could see no other way of being. But it rubs against the grain of almost everything we do.

Take today’s parable, a man has a huge debt to his master – the text says 10,000 talents. This was probably more money than anybody would see in their lifetime. We don’t know why but he was unable to pay back this debt. The only thing he could do was fall on his knees and asks for more time. “Just extend the terms of my loan and I’ll pay you back – let me refinance!” The master then has pity on him, and rather than just extending the loan, he forgives it entirely. Can you imagine that happening in our world? Imagine if you went in to your banker, explained that you had fallen on hard times and couldn’t make your mortgage payments. Could you please have another loan application so you can refinance. This would probably work out well since your monthly payments would be lower. But then imagine if your banker looked at you and said, “I know times are tough, the economy is pretty bad right now. Tell you what I’m feeling generous so we’re just going to wipe the rest of your mortgage clean – consider it paid in full.”

To us that seems ridiculous. But Jesus talked about it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. He probably being provocative on purpose so that we could imagine the possibilities that God imagines for us. If we look at the context we’ll see that he wasn’t giving advice on banking and debts, he was talking about forgiving other people when they sin against us. But the Kingdom of Heaven is probably even more alien to us than Lord of the Rings that the only way Jesus could describe it is to compare it to something else, and often with ridiculous, shocking imagery. The Kingdom of Heaven is like a pearl of great value, or it’s like a farmer going out scattering seed. It’s like a banker who will forgive all of your debts. I’d sure love to find a lender who will forgive all of my debts, but I asked around and nobody wants to.

Jesus told this parable in response to Peter’s question about how many times he should forgive someone else. Last week you may remember that Jesus talked about how to confront someone who had sinned against you, and how to work for reconciliation. This week Peter responds with okay, but how many times should I let someone get away with this, seven? When you think about it he was probably being quite generous. We might forgive someone once or twice for the same offence – fool my once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. If we’re feeling really charitable we might say three strikes and you’re out. That’s it, three times is the limit of our forgiveness. Here Peter is offering seven times. Jesus then counters with no not seven times, but seventy-seven times. I don’t know about you but I don’t think I could keep track of anything seventy-seven times.

Rather than keep track of all the ways in which someone has wronged me, and then pompously saying I forgive them, I find it easier to not take offense in the first place. Of course in our own world that’s not as easy as one may think. But it does become possible if we’re willing to suspend our judgments about matters. If we take a more humble approach to life, and realize we’re not at the center of the universe, then we open ourselves up to the possibility that our opinions, how we feel about things are not the absolute truth. They are things we’ve created in our mind. For example, if I dropped my sermon notes right now, I’m sure we could put our heads together and pass all kinds of judgments on the situation. “Conor is a stupid lazy klutz; he’s a lousy preacher. A good preacher wouldn’t lose his notes like that. Somebody should really give him some pointers. We really need a new assistant. I wish Berkley would fire him and be done with it.” The problem comes when we confuse all of these stories with the truth. We think they’re the truth with a capital T, when in reality they’re just things we made up. They’re neither true nor false, they just are. But so long as we hold on to them, we get to be right and we make the other party wrong. We get to be in a superior position, and thus look good – even at the expense of our relationships with each other and with God.

Unfortunately in our parable, the person who had his debt forgiven didn’t understand this – he didn’t get it. Even though his debt was forgiven, there still had to be a winner and a loser, perhaps he felt like the winner in that situation – hence the master, the one who forgave his debt, was the loser. But the reality was there was no winner or loser – those are just judgments. There was only a sum of money that wasn’t going to change hands. But then he found another fellow who owed him a smaller sum of money, and couldn’t pay. He might have been that good-for-nothing brother-in-law/cousin/black sheep of the family who’s always borrowing money and never paying it back – more judgments. Not wanting to be the loser, he demanded that he be paid and through the fellow in jail. When the master heard of this, he brought him in and through him into prison until he could pay off his debt.
Jesus follows up by saying that his Father will do the same to any of us if we don’t forgive our brother or sister from our heart. I believe he’s inviting us into a world where there aren’t winners and losers – a world where we can accept responsibility that our judgments are uniquely ours, and not the absolute truth. Inside this world there’s plenty of forgiveness to go around – outside of it somebody wins and somebody looses – somebody is right and somebody is wrong. When Jesus invites us to forgive each others sins, and have our sins forgiven, he’s inviting us inside this world he calls the Kingdom of Heaven.
Amen.

The Anti-Consumer

2008-08-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

There has been quite a lot of talk about the economy lately. Perhaps its the upcoming election, perhaps the sub-prime mortgage bubble, or maybe it's because the FDIC has just stated that it may have to borrow money from the federal reserve in order to make good on it's promises. There's a lot of talk on the part of both Barack Obama and John McCain on the policies they would like to implement in order to improve our economy.

The problem I see in all of this is that each candidate wants the government to fix things, so that life can go on as usual for the people in America. I think our economic problems go far beyond a deficit in the government. We are a society of excess and we're consuming all of our resources. Just look at the amount of credit card debt, mortgage debt, consumer debt, student loan debt that we amass as a society. All this in the name of 'getting ahead' and 'living the American dream.' Yes there are unscrupulous practices in the finance industry, but I also think that we as individual consumers need to accept responsiblity for our part. There wouldn't be a subprime mortgage crisis if people hadn't signed up for those loans in the first place.

I believe that our country needs more than a president. We need a genuine moral leader - one who will call the American people to do our part. Even though I'm only one person I'm going to make my contribution - here it is: Stop Consuming So Much!

One of the things that hit most of all during my trip to Nicaragua is that despite the poverty, psychologically the people didn't seem any worse off than we are in the U.S. If you want my honest opinion they were probably healthier in that regard than us. We talk of consuming more and growing our economy in order to improve our quality of life, but I really wonder if we're accomplishing our stated goals. Does the increase in work and resource consumption really improve our quality of life, or is it a zero-sum equation?

A new basic definition of justice out of the Roman Catholic Church is to provide everyone with the minimum requirements necessary to fully participate in the human society. Herein lies the challange I'm laying out for people. How close is your lifestyle to the minimum requirements, and how much of it is excess? As I write this I'll probably have to reevaluate my own life and spending habits. But what would the world look like if we stopped amassing and consuming so much stuff? Perhaps we could do it in a way that truly would improve our quality of life. We might have to reassess what quality of life means - moving away from fancy cars and towards the shear joy of walking or riding a bicycle. Perhaps a better quality of life would include fresh air to breathe and clean water to drink - without all of the toxins that we create constantly.

We are one of the wealthiest societies in the history of the world. The time has come to use that wealth wisely. Rather than amass it, letting everything else be damned, let's conserve our resources, and use our wealth to truly improve the quality of life for all people. To do this, we need to stop consuming so much.

Conor+

Day 5 in Nicaragua

2008-08-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

Note: This post was originally done on Facebook on August 2.

Although this is day 5 this will be my first post on our mission trip. It's been an interesting couple of days. We arrived last Tuesday after a day of travelling and have been spending time in Managua. Every year a group of us come down early to purchase pots and other crafts from the locals. We then send it back to Norfolk, sell it during coffee hour, and use the proceeds to fund the next trip.This is my first time to a 3rd world country so I've seen quite a bit that I'm not accostomed to. For example, you're just as likely to see automobiles in the roads as you are horse-drawn, ox-drawn, or bull-drawn carts. A good deal of Managua is built up and modern, while many of the villages have small cinder-block homes that many people live in. The other day we stopped on a highway to purchase some pewter from a local artisan. This person's store was in the front of the building. In the back was both the workshop and living area for the family. Several men and one boy were smelting the pewter and pouring it into molds, while a woman was handwashing their clothes in a tub full of water.I'm trying to resist the urge to judge these people by our standards in the U.S. It is so easy to say, "Oh these poor people, they have nothing." But such a statement puts us in a superior position, at least in our minds. I'm not convinced that I have an intrinsically better life because I live in a house with two cars, central air conditioning, and a washer and dryer.The poorer villages that I've seen here seem to have something that we lack in the U.S. They have a genuine sense of community. They all live together, run accross the street to visit their neighbors, and help each other out when someone needs something. I'll have to admit that from my U.S., pioneer, self-made-man sensibilities, all this helping is quite foreign to me. Sometimes I get quite uncomfortable and want to be left alone - but that's just me.I've seen boys working side-by-side with their fathers and learning what it's like to be a man in this culture. I've seen girls likewise doing the same with their mothers. It strikes me at how different our own culture is where we ship our children off to school to be educated en mass by single authority figures. That's not to say that one is better than the other, just different.Tomorrow I'll be heading down to Chaguatillo to join the rest of my group. I'm hoping to develop more thoughts on mission work throughout these days. Thanks for reading and God Bless.Conor+

Which Liturgies to Use

2008-07-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

I just spent a week at our Diocesan Shrinemont conference. I had a unique experience when the liturgy team asked me to celebrate the Eucharist that evening. Without a second thought I said, "Of course." A little later in the day, I was having some fun with them and asked, "This will be Rite 1 completely chanted correct?" Then I was told that we were actually using another Eucharistic Prayer, one that was composed by a female priest in South Africa.

As I looked over the prayer, I found several things I wasn't all that comfortable with. The proper preface had nothing to do with the person and work of Jesus Christ. Nowhere did the prayer ask for the Holy Spirit to come down and sanctify the gifts. It hit me at that moment that I really am becoming a stickler for the book.

As Anglicans, we have spent the last 500 years resisting a comprehensive confession of our beliefs. Instead we have operated under the premise that how we pray shapes how we believe. If that is the case, we really need to be careful about the prayers we use in public worship. With no established confession, the prayers will determine our theology at our deepest levels. A well-meaning, beautiful prayer seem like a good idea at the time, but without the scrutiny of General Convention, theologians, and liturgists of our Church, such a prayer may have unintended consequences.

That being said, I am not against introducing new prayers for our worship, I just feel that they need to be theologically sound, and we need to take our time evaluating them before they are used in a public setting. So in the interests of new prayers, as well as deepening our ecumenical relations, I would like to post the following prayer for consideration.

http://eleisonmusic.com/Eucharistic_Prayer-Divine_Liturgy_of_St._John_Chrysostom.htm

This prayer is one that I have compiled from the Divine Liturgy of St. John Chrysostom, which is one of the two main liturgies for the Orthodox Church. I have shortened it in certain places, so it would fit into the rhythm of Episcopal worship. I post it here to begin a conversation. What do we think about this prayer? Does it have the necessary elements to fit into our theology. There's quite a bit here that we don't normally have - are they combersome, or will they help us deepen our faith?

Thanks for reading and I look forward to your comments.

The American Gospel and the Gospel of Jesus Christ

2008-03-15T07:04:00.000-07:00

Quite often I feel like our Churches have confused the American Gospel with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. This confusion runs so deep in some places that the American Gospel has even supplanted the Gospel of Jesus Christ and become hostile to it. This is evident in larger society when Christmas Trees and signs saying, "Merry Christmas" are banned from public areas. This is really a shame because the two can co-exist quite well. The American Gospel was actually designed to allow them to co-exist.

To begin with, let's take some time and define what the American Gospel is. Much of this material I owe to John Meacham in his book, "American Gospel." The definition becomes sticky because it has changed over the past two hundred years. The American Gospel in the 18th century was articulated differently than it is today. When this nation was founded, the great experiment was one of religious liberty. Countless wars had been fought in Europe over what the official state religion would be. The founding fathers wanted to avoid this, so they wrote into the first amendment, "Congress shall make no law respecting the establishment of religon, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof."

There are two parts to this amendment. Congress shall not establish a religon, and Congress shall not prohibit the practice of religion. This was an idea of religious liberty. The so-called "Separation of Church and State" was enacted to protect the Church from the state as much as it was to protect the state from the Church. However, it was never intended to suppress religious expression completely, as some may assert. The experiment was based on the assumption that religion created moral individuals. Moral individuals in turn created a moral society. However morality has never been something that can be dictated or enforced by law. Hence the separation, allowing the freedom for religious institutions to funciton on their own merit.

Today the message has changed. No longer is the idea to allow religious liberty, but to promote religious toleration, and religious respect. It may sound like a good idea but in reality it hasn't worked very well. Religious toleration is just patronizing. "I don't share your beliefs, but I will tolerate you in my presense" is an extreme example. Religious respect requires one to suspend their uniqueness in order to consider the point of view of another. This may be fine as an intellectual experiment, but it can seriously undermine an institution if it remains unchecked. For example, recently a priest in the Episcopal Church went public saying that she was both a Christian and a Muslim. She didn't see any conflict between the two. However, Christianity believes that Jesus Christ is the second person of the Trinity, become incarnate as a human being, thus worthy of worship. Islam believes that Jesus was a prophet, but not God. Either He's God or he isn't - you can't have it both ways. This religious respect blurred the distinctions between the two religions, and developed something that was neither. Left to its own devices, religious respect will end in a form of neo-paganism. This will then become the only acceptable religion in the public eye, and we will have an unoffical state religion.

Returning to the idea of religious liberty however, allows for a plethora of religions, all with their uniqueness. It does not result in the syncrotism we have seen before because it allows for some clear boundaries. For example, there is a Buddhist community near where I live. They're currently under attack by the local government because the zoning laws do not allow for a place of worship in their current location. I'm actually in favor of the Budhists remaining where they are, and being free to practice their religion. At the same time I do not believe any of the tenants of Budhism. I'm a Christian and they're two completely different things. What I do believe in is that they have the right to practice their religion as they have received it. That is religious liberty, and that's what America was founded upon.

So where has the confusion come from? It seems that lately we've allowed the idea of religous toleration and religious respect enter into our pews and pulpits. We've then had to abandon some of the ideas that makes Christianity unique and exlusive. "I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me (John 14:16 NIV)" has no place in an age of religious respect. It does in an age of religious liberty though, and as Christians, we do have the right to believe in the unique salvation that comes through Jesus Christ.

So what is this unique salvation. To describe it fully would require a completely separate post. I can sum it up out of our Eucharistic Prayers. Every Sunday we proclaim the mystery of faith, "Christ has died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again (1979 Book of Commoon Prayer p. 363)." To this I will add a lesson we heard in Church a few Sundays ago, "If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will give life to your mortal bodies also through his Spirit that dwells in you (Romans 8:11)." Through our Baptism we are united to Christ in his death and resurrection. We then have died to sin, and risen to a new life through the power of the Holy Spirit, in fellowship with God the Father. No amount of religious toleration or respect can come close to this Gospel.

As Christians, actually as Americans we need to claim this religious liberty, and exercise it. We do not have to cow-tow to every doctrine and belief that comes our way - it just isn't necessary nor is it helpful. What we do need to do is claim our uniqueness as disciples of Jesus Christ our Lord, participate fully as members of His body, and live in the grace and fellowship of the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

A Sermon on the Landmark Distinction of "Looking Good"

2008-03-06T08:35:00.000-08:00

Sermon for 22 Pentecost Year C
Christ and St. Luke’s Episcopal Church
October 28th 2007
The Rev. Conor M Alexander
Luke 18:9-14

What is the meaning of life? What is life all about? The great 20th Century Philosophers of Monty Python put it this way. “It’s nothing very special really. Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations (The Meaning of Life).”

Since you came to Church this morning, you may have some other ideas. You might quote the Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Or maybe the summary of the law, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your mind and all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself.” Perhaps I’m a bit too cynical, but I would say that life is about looking good. Life is about looking good and avoiding looking bad – and that’s what drives almost all of human behavior. Just look at our Gospel reading for today. A Pharisee and a tax collector came to the temple to pray. The Pharisee thanked God that he wasn’t like other people – rogues, bandits, adulterers, or even THAT tax collector. Boy was he avoiding looking bad. Then he started looking good. I fast twice a week; I tithe 1/10 of everything I have. Thank you God that I look so good.

At this point some of you may be saying I’m being unfair. Life’s not like that, and besides, I’m nothing like that Pharisee. But just think, if you follow that line of thinking, the next prayer you’ll have to offer is, “Thank you God for not making me like THAT Pharisee.” And we find ourselves in the very same trap – we’re avoiding looking bad. That’s the problem with sin – it’s like a Chinese finger trap so that the more you try and get out of it, the more you get stuck.

I’ve often found that it’s a useful exercise to see myself in the Gospel characters. Because the reality is that we are both the Pharisee and the tax collector. And like the Pharisee, we all like to look good, and avoid looking bad. That has certainly been the case with me. When I graduated from college, I had so much going for me. I had a degree from Cornell. I had a good job making medical devices. I was driving a fancy car, and boy did I look good. But I was miserable. I spent so much energy looking good and yet it wasn’t enough. So I did some more things. I traveled and had all these cultural experiences. I started reading men’s magazines so I would know what the right clothes were and the best way to shave was. I was sure on a roll and it still wasn’t enough. In the mean time I was dying inside. So much of my energy was spent on looking good and avoiding looking bad that there was very little left of me. You see that’s the cost of looking good, you have to sacrifice living fully, because living fully might not look good. Don’t you dare speak up for what you believe, because someone might not like it. Don’t take responsibility for your actions, because someone might think your actions look bad. Just crawl into a shell, hide up in the stands, and avoid actually playing the game.

I see Fr. Hoffman, the rector emeritus over at St. Bride’s for spiritual direction. He’s very fond of the story of Adam and Eve, because it’s the story of all of us. God put them in the Garden of Eden, and in the garden there were two trees – the tree of life, and the tree of good and evil. They could eat from one, but not the other. So what did they do – they ate from the tree of good and evil. And from that point on they were never the same. Previously they didn’t have any clothes, and they felt no shame. I like to think of a three year old who decides they don’t like their clothes anymore, so they take them off and walk around naked. So there was Adam and Eve, they ate from the tree, and immediately saw what was wrong with each other. One pointed at the other and said, “You’re naked!” The other responded and said, “No your naked!” So they made some clothes out of leaves and covered themselves up. But even that wasn’t enough so they hid in the bushes. Then God came walking through the garden saying, “Where are you?” Adam and Eve were told that if they ate that fruit, they would die – and they might as well have. They hid from God and avoided living, simply because they were afraid to look bad.

Fortunately the Gospel doesn’t leave us there. One of my favorite quotes is in the Gospel of John. Jesus said that he came so that we could have life, and have it abundantly (John 10:10).

We don’t have to avoid living with Christ. In our Gospel story for today it says that the tax collector, the one who beat his breast and prayed that God would have mercy on him, he went home justified. Now justified doesn’t mean a simple pardon. Rather it means being open to, and receiving God’s mercies that he so desperately wants to give to us. In Eucharistic Prayer C we pray that we’re sorry for coming to the table for pardon only and not renewal, for solace and not for strength.

When the tax collector beat and breast and prayed for mercy, he wasn’t concerned with looking good. He was probably looking bad but he wasn’t concerned with that either. This tax collector was being open, honest, and authentic before God, and he went home justified. This story obviously would have brought to mind other tax collectors that encountered Jesus, and afterwards their lives were never the same.

There was Zacheus, who was a very short man, and stole from the people he collected taxes from. When Jesus came to town he had to climb a tree just so he could see Him. Jesus looked up and said, “Zacheus, let’s you and me have dinner together tonight. Afterwards Zacheus was transformed. He said that everything he had stolen, every time he cheated people, he was going to pay back – 3 times over.

There was another tax collector named Levi. Levi collected taxes on the highway, and probably took a little extra for himself. When Jesus saw him, He said, “Levi, follow me.” Levi left his post right there and followed Jesus. His life was changed so much that he was given a new name, and became the apostle Matthew.

In a few moments we’re going to continue with our service. First we’ll have the creed, then the prayers of the people, and then the confession. During the confession I invite you to be as honest, and authentic as the tax collector in our story. Have mercy on me, a sinner. Then encounter Christ in the Eucharist, and go home justified.

A Discussion about Emotional Release on the RMAX Forum

2008-03-06T08:28:00.000-08:00

RESET and Emotional Release
I just got my RESET program a week ago and I'm slowly working up to the full technique. I've been getting some pretty strong emotional reactions when I get vibrating at a high frequency. (I had the same reaction about a year ago when I first started BodyFlow.) It made me wonder about what's going on.What is emotion anyways? I think Coach Sonnon described it in BodyFlow as "Energy in Motion." The more I thought about it our emotional responses are just that - motion. When we cry our abdomen pulses in and out. When we laugh our whole body shakes. When we're afraid, or even very excited we can start trembling. Think of a three-year-old throwing a temper-tantrum. He's on the floor, screaming, kicking his legs, flailing his arms, much to the embarassment of his parents if there's company around. There's also the mental/hormonal component going on. I don't know much of the science behind it, but somehow, our nervous system is releasing chemicals and sending messages to make these movements happen.

So what happens if we need to suppress an emotion. We can't switch off the chemicals obviously, so we settle for stiffling the emotional response. At least that way no one will know we're emotional right? So if we're going to stop the movement there's a very simple way to do that - fire the antagonistic muscles. The problem is that the chemical messengers are still there, we can't prevent the emotional motion, so we put the brakes on it with our antagonists. You can probably guess where this is leading - radiating tension, residual muscle tension, sensory motor amnesia - Fear Reactivity and Bound Flow. It's like driving around with the emergency brake on.When we finally unbind our flow through RESEST, or CST, or whatever, it's like taking the emergency brake off of our car - with the gas still going full-throttle. We can finally express that long suppresed emotion - the trick is to do in a way or a place where we're safe from further embarassment. (I've often wanted my own padded room.)

Psychologists since Sigmond Freud have worked under the assumption that a suppressed emotion is harmful to your psychological well-being untill it is released. Freud called this process catharsis. Since we're now looking at the human being as an interconnected body-mind, I'm trying to describe the process in our new language. I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this theory, does it make sense?

Thanks and Peace,
Conor

Makes sense. We cut off access to part of our experience for the temporary reduction of sensations. To regain the motion, those feelings need to be re-experienced. The trick is doing it in a way that it doesn’t cause more trauma, so the incremental progression paradigms from CST can apply just as much to emotions as to the body (the two are inseparable, but you know what I mean, the emotion component of the body mind complex.) The thing about the term catharsis is that it usually means an isolated peak experience, rather than an unceasing refinement that varies in intensity. The sustainable version of catharsis is a practice. I think of the fear reactivity as a cringe (not necessarily forward.) A tool I find useful is to purposefully increase the contractions involved in the fear reactivity. This feels increadibly comforting at first, because you are increasing your muscular armoring, which feels like a security blanket. However, the extra effort involved in maintaining such an exagerated contraction soon becomes apparent, and the desire to relax becomes stronger. From my experience with Somatics (the system deveped by the man who coined the term sensort motor amnesia) I’ve learned that relaxing slowly gives the body a chance to reset its configuration of muscle tone. There is a strong tendency to release the tension quickly, but then little will change. By releasing the tension slowly, you reach my normal point of muscle tone, and then find that you can relax even more. This can be very interesting with any motion, but can be especially profound with contractions relating to fear reactivity, which I think Coach Sonnon rightly places after SMA in the progression of degeneration. After the tension is released as much as it’s going to, there is often a desire for to move in the opposite direction (extension after flexion, for instance.) After you go back and forth a few times slowly, then the motion usually starts to become faster (and perhaps smaller) without any effort as it becomes more efficient. Then the goal is then to get an equal sensation of effort in both directions of movement. This balances muscle tone dynamically, training a more even distribution of tension even in motion. Of course, this will reduce fear/reactivity and SMA as well.

A related technique from somatics that has done me no end of good is the method of contracting, then relaxing the parts where you feel it most, then contracting the parts that had less sensation, then releaxing where you feel it the most and so on. You can repeat it as many times as feels good, and then relax and start over again. This can be very slight, just a barely perceptive ratcheting, or quite large, both are useful. It is one of the most relaxing thing I have discovered.

Conor, you migh want to check out the work of Wilhelm Reich, a disciple of Freud who was one of the pioneering body centered psychotherapists. Some of his ideas are pretty out there, but his notion of character or muscular armoring is pretty straight forward. It is very similar to your ideas about holding back emtions with tension. He thought that the transverse muscles in the body were the primary ones implemented to supress the sensation through the core (inhibiting the wiggling snake of our spine.) The seven groups that he concentrated on were the mouth, eyes, throat, thorax, diaphram, stomach and pelvic floor. Using the contract and slowly release technique from Somatics, the muscle tone of each one of these can be raised or lowered as needed. However, because the tight muscles are like dams holding back uncomfortable sensations, it is wise to address the hypo-toned (weak) areas first so that your defenses aren’t lowered with no new support added

Eli Mead

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillness_moving
"The trick is doing it in a way that it doesn’t cause more trauma, so the incremental progression paradigms from CST can apply just as much to emotions as to the body (the two are inseparable, but you know what I mean, the emotion component of the body mind complex.)"

I agree. One thing I find helpful in not reducing trauma is to keep in mind the uniqueness of the human mind/body - that is our ability to give meaning to experiences. Much of this material comes out of my experience with the Landmark Forum.

Human beings are the only animals that can give meaning to events, memories, or circumstances. A dog doesn't do that, a dog just is. For instance, when a dog gets stepped on and it yelps, it doesn't think about the yelp later and berrate itself for it. A male dog doesn't consider itself a b--ch for yelping. Human beings do have that ability, we can judge things as good or bad, and store memories of those judgements.

If we're having an emotional release, or working through some fear reactivity, the trick is to suspend any judgements about them - to not give them any meaning. The other day I felt some repressed emotions, and following my own advice, I released the brakes and just let them come. I started crying. Now I could have considered myself a sissy, or I could have insisted I discover the reason for my tears, but neither of those would have been helpful. I probably would have re-traumatized myself. Instead I just let the emotion be. My tears were neither good nor bad, they just were. There was no reason for them worth considering. They were empty and meaningless, and it was empty and meaningless that the tears were empty and meaningless. We probably do more damage to ourselves through our judgements. Then the judgements create more emotions, which create more movement, which of course we need to inhibit - hence the cycle continues.

Originally Posted by Stillness_moving
"The thing about the term catharsis is that it usually means an isolated peak experience, rather than an unceasing refinement that varies in intensity. The sustainable version of catharsis is a practice."

I like to think of it as a punctuated equilibrium. Through my practice I'll often push right up to an issue I haven't dealt with. From the outside it looks like a plateau, since for a while I'm not able to move any farther, or increase my strength, or whatever. Then I'm finally able to release the flood gates and bam - I have a huge emotional response. I return to my practice a day or so later and I'm able to do things I haven't before. After my last release I came back and did all of Diving Dolphin flow for the first time. Let me tell you how good that felt.On a related thought, The Dalai Lama often insists that human beings can train their emotions, whether they are anger and pettiness, or compassion and happiness. This never made sense to me until I thought of this idea of emotion as movement. We certainly train movements to be more efficient at them, we can probably also train emotional responses. The more we experience them, the more efficient we become at expressing them, the easier they come to us.

Hmm, and all this time I didn't believe His Holiness.

Thanks for the suggestions with Somatics and Wilhelm Reich - I'll have to check those out.

Peace,
Conor

Heads Up or Heads Down

2008-03-06T07:39:00.000-08:00

I've often wondered why there is so much resistance in the Episcopal Church to using overhead projectors. Many other denominations use them, and have been quite successful. The few times I've brougt up the idea, I've received the most vehement reactions.

While I was serving at one parish in Arlington, VA, we tried to have the Liturgy of the Word on a projector screen. One particular Sunday the equipment wasn't working, and the Priest announced that we would have to use the Prayer Book that day. At least one person began applauding. I was discussing this incident with some other parishioners, and one said to me, "I don't know what it is, but I like having the Book of Common Prayer in my hands."

I thought of this incident today after my kettlebell workout. I was having a difficult time packing my shoulders down, and recovering my heartbeat in between sets. Eventually I realized that I was looking down at my watch in order to monitor my heart rate, which of course caused it to increase.

In his RESET video, Scott Sonnon describes that posture as the "Prey Posture." Your head is down, your shoulders are rounded, and your getting ready for fight or flight. This is fine for when you're going to face a saber-toothed tiger, but in general it interferes with our performance. Unfortunately this is the exact posture we adopt when we're reading a book.

In contrast, if we're looking up at a projector screen, we'll adopt what Coach Sonnon describes as the "Predator Posture." Our head is up, our spine is aligned, our shoulders are back and down. This posture isn't designed so much for aggression, but for confidence and flow. The predator posture sends a signal to our nervous system that we have the skills to handle whatever situation is in front of us.

So you might think that changing the posture from a book to a screen would be a positive experience for prayer right? Actually I've experienced the exact opposite. Years of habitually slumping over a book causes us to adapt to this posture. Neurotransmitters can become locked inside our muscles and work to maintain themselves. When we change our posture, even to one that's more adaptive in the long run, we release these neurtransmitters and experience immediate anxiety. Don't worry, this will pass.

If we are to move from one posture to another, from slumped over to standing up tall, we're also changing the way we relate to God. We're no longer like the tax collector beating his breast saying, "Have mercy on me Lord, a sinner" (Luke 18:13). Instead we take the attitude of the Epistle to the Hebrews, "Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence ... (Hebrews 4:16, NIV)." Neither one is better than the other, they just are.

So the next time you find yourself looking up and thinking you'd rather have a prayer-book in your hands, remember that there may be more going on here than simple preference. The prayer book is a tool - it's not something that will validate or invalidate a sacrament. I promise that the anxiety will pass as long as you don't make to much out of it.

Thanks for reading and feel free to post your responses.

God's Peace,
Fr. Conor+